The other day I had a conversation that I wish we had taped. I was in a cafe with a friend of mine, also an entrepreneur and change agent, and we started talking about what to do when you can’t cut the negative noise in your head.
You know that noise:
The “Who do you think you are”s
The “You should be further ahead by now”s
The “You’re not gonna make it to where you want to go”s
Because we not only recognize that noise but also have big dreams, we started talking strategy.
How do you get beyond negative thinking?
“Do you have those moments where you think you should be further than you are right now? Or times when you doubt you’re gonna get there?” she asked me.
I got really excited. Nearly levitating off my chair. I looked her straight in the eye with a great big smile.
She sat back in her chair, still listening.
“Yeah, for sure. Every day. It doesn’t always last long, sometimes it goes on for longer than others. But I’m excited about this. I’m excited to be able to be honest and tell you it happens because…” I leaned forward “it’s normal.”
“I don’t know one single successful person who never thinks those kinds of thoughts. I don’t know one single successful person who never doubted they would make it. And I don’t know one single successful person who didn’t at one point think about giving up.
The Correlation Between Fear and Success
Dearest you, I’ll tell you another reason why it excites me to talk about it. Because there’s a correlation between fear and success, a link between moments we wonder what the heck we think we’re doing and moments where we are elevated beyond anything we thought possible. People who don’t try don’t succeed.
If there’s no fear, are your dreams big enough?
There’s a correlation between trying and not having it work out, and making it big.
Here’s a quote I love:
Failure is not something you will undergo. Failure is how you will get there.
So that moment of negative noises in your head can be seen to mean nothing more and nothing less than that you are headed in the right direction. Keep going. You’ll get there.
With much love,
Dearest Libre tribe. I recently did an interview with Andrea Cairella on happiness. You can listen to the full interview here. Check out some of the highlights, below.
“Yes. There is so much more. And it’s really about realizing that happiness comes from within, and it’s about creating a life from that place, rather than thinking it comes from some place external to us.”
AC: What are some specific strategies you can share?
LL: The first one is both a strategy and the foundation of all of the ones that come afterwards. It’s the realization that in order to find what we’re seeking we have to look inward. We have this capacity to have this deeply impacted and deeply impactful sense of a very grounded happiness and peace in our lives. That comes from within us, rather than something that we might find.
That is the biggest and most important mind-set shift that I needed to arrive at in my life and that I help other people arrive at in their lives–to realize we have the power to change our lives, we have the power to change our experiences from within. That’s the foundation of it all.
click to tweet: @lindsey_lewis: we have the power to change our lives, we have the power to change our experiences from within.
This evolves into strategies. And there are so many of them but some of the ones I love the most are:
To practice this realization that we’ll have so many thoughts in a day or in a moment and that thoughts are not necessarily truths, but if we choose to believe them as such it will impact how we see a moment, a person, our life, the entire world.
From there, we bring in The Work by Byron Katie, which is a very powerful tool I love to use to help people question thoughts or fears or limiting beliefs that are really undermining their potential for happiness and then turn them around so that that part of them that was causing them so much stress or unhappiness is actually affirming their peace, their strength, their well-being and their potential to emerge into a life filled with all of that.
AC: What are some of the other suggestions you might have?
LL: Here’s one I did not understand the power of for a long time: integrating gratitude practices. I was dismissive of this for a while, but what I can tell you is that when I heard one of the reasons why this works so well I changed my mind. The part of our brain in charge of worry and feeling negativity can’t be dominant if the part of our brain in charge of thinking gratitude-related types of thoughts and feeling gratitude-related emotions is turned on. We can’t really have one turned on if the other is turned on.
So gratitude has this biological unfolding in our physiology that transforms our brain.
Listen to the whole she-bang HERE.
There are days when everything seems to be going wrong. Days when it’s just one thing after another. Here’s a way to understand why it’s happening and what you can gain from it.
Let me tell you about Allison…
Allison had a bad week at work. Customers were jerks, her colleagues were know-it-alls, and even the Telus guy who came in to fix her internet was not a nice guy. It was just one thing after another. She was tempted to tell everyone exactly what she thought, and walk out the door.
No more jerks, no more know-it-alls, no more feeling like crying.
Except…life doesn’t work that way.
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron
2 Questions that Will Help
I’m all for freedom, I’m all for a life that’s in alignment with our essential self. But before we leap outward we need to look inward. Sometimes, what we see is that we’re the cause and the solution. Especially if it’s something that just keeps happening.
2 Questions That Help You Understand Why It’s Happening
1. What does this trigger in me?
2. What is the opposite of that?
When Allison looked inward and went deeper she found that the customers and her colleagues were triggering feelings of “I’m not enough.” She felt sad and angry all at the same time: Why is everybody treating me like I don’t know what I’m doing? Why do they all think they’re better than me?
The truth was, they weren’t, and they don’t. But our perception creates our reality.
click to tweet: @lindsey_lewis: our perception creates our reality.
What Allison Gained. (You can, too).
So this is what Allison saw. And this is what life was inviting her to free herself from: the belief that she is not enough. Allison had recently discovered this belief, had seen how it was impacting her life, and voiced the desire to be free of it.
And here comes life, delivering her with the opportunity to do that–answering her request for help.
The opposite of ‘I’m not enough’ is confidence, self-assuredness, self-trust and the ability to see beneath the surface of other people, to rise up, reach out and create something transformed. This is the gift life is inviting Allison to receive. By placing her in positions where she is pressed up against her own limiting beliefs that prevent that from happening.
How does this show up in your life? Where do feel like things just keep happening, over and over again. I invite you to ask yourself two questions: 1. What does this trigger in me? 2. What’s the opposite of that? This is the gift life is inviting you to receive. Ready?
Dearest Libre tribe …This new year, I’ve got a question for you: What are you going to embrace? What parts of you or your life will you love up fully this year? Here’s a few of mine–I’m fully embracing that my yoga-loving side is deeply, divinely inspired; that this means the deeply world-loving, fashion-loving (don’t…
Evelyn’s Story Evelyn was tired. She’d been trying and trying to make a go of it, to change how she felt during the day, to be stronger, more confident, and better able to handle the challenges of her work. Each morning she got up before dawn. She made a cup of coffee. She drank it…